Children

Children in divorce

What should I tell the children about the divorce?

Do yourself and your children a favor by not “poisoning the minds” of your children. Do not dwell on your spouse’s faults! Realize from the beginning that children and/or visitation privileges are not tools for bargaining in a dissolution case – don’t use them as threats. Courts look unfavorably upon situations in which one parent alienates the children from the other. This is often a factor in determining visitation.
Local Court Rules require that in all cases where custody or visitation is to be dealt with that both parents attend a parenting class. The purpose of the program is to help make parents aware of the trauma that children go through as a result of their divorce and to provide parents guidelines for easing the hurt to their children. There is a small cost involved in attending a parenting class. It is in addition to the court costs and your attorney’s fees. You should sign up for the appropriate class after filing your first pleading.

What are the custody options for the children?

By statute, there are several forms of custody in Missouri:

• Joint Legal Custody – means both parents share all the important decision making rights and responsibilities and authority regarding the child’s health, education and welfare unless those decisions are allocated differently by order of the judge. By Statute, this is preferred. Joint Legal Custody requires the parents to confer with each other in exercising the decision-making
• Joint Physical Custody – means both parents have significant periods of time during which a child resides with or under his or her care and supervision. Joint Physical Custody must be shared in such a way as to assure the child of frequent and meaningful contact with both parents. Joint physical custody does not require equal sharing of time.
• Sole Custody – means one parent makes all the decisions regarding the child and the child lives primarily with that parent. The time the child spends with the other parent is referred to as temporary custody or visitation.
• These forms of custody can be different combinations. For example, a parent could have sole legal custody and joint physical custody or sole physical custody and joint legal custody.

Arrangements regarding how you and your spouse divide the time with your children are spelled out in detail in a Parenting Plan. The advantages and disadvantages to each approach to custody depend upon the ages of your children, your relationship with your spouse, the distance between the homes and many other factors. Holidays, summers, out-of-town trips, school year issues, transportation, bedtimes, etc. must all be considered in setting up a plan. These decisions will significantly affect your future lifestyle.

What about child support?

Child support is money paid by one parent to the other parent for support of the minor children. Even if a parent has joint custody, one parent will likely pay some child support.
Guidelines mandated by the Missouri Supreme Court set the amount of child support. These guidelines have formulas, which consider the gross income of both parents, child care expenses, health insurance costs, educational expenses, and extracurricular costs and payments for children from other marriages. Children with special medical needs or expenses may receive additional child support. Under some circumstances, Courts will allow parties to deviate from the guidelines. Once the dissolution is final, in most instances, the child support is withheld by the payor parent’s employer and sent directly to the other spouse or to the Child Support Payment Center.

Can I move the children away?

You cannot move the children once the dissolution is filed without a Court order. The law sets forth very specific steps that you must take in order to move the children to a new location. If you do not follow these steps you may jeopardize your chances of keeping custody. This law applies whether you are moving in state or out of state. Contact your Attorney immediately and prior to any move should you have questions in this matter.

Resources/Links

Parenting classes

More Information

• An article from the Missouri Bar Association on Child Support.
• An article from the Missouri Bar Association on dealing with your spouse after divorce where children are involved